Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
