I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i was born a porn star she said
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
