WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
