So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
