I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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