grandma shit on top of the toilet
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
