You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
