based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
