You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
