I accidentally had phone sex last night
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
