There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Randomize
