I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
