I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
