there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
