Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
