Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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