When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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