Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
