i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
