My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
