WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
