K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
