the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
