I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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