I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
