"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
