this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
