I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
