They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
