We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
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