I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
