have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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