THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Is Oprah even human
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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