he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
