Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
i out mim tonsoeep
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