her vagine was all disorganized.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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