I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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