Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
