That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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