You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
