Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
