apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
