tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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