i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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