This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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