Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You may now shotgun with the bride
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
