Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
