the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
