I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Randomize
