I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My ass is underappreciated
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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