You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Even my vagina gasped.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
