My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
