i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
