I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
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After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
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then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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