my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
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