I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
