my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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