I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize