his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
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had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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