We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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