as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
