dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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