Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
