He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
