he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
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