I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
