i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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