i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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