Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
